Outlaws of Love
by CatCompanion09
Summary: Inspired by Adam Lambert's new song Outlaws of Love. Kurt slowly stops feeling things, but what happens when his last emotion, love, is outlawed by the prejudices of society? WARNING: possible self-harm triggers in later chapters.
1. We're Looking For The Sun

**A/N: I shouldn't be starting yet ANOTHER fic, but I wanted to base a fic off of a song, and this opportunity presented itself when Outlaws of Love magically appeared on Youtube and I was just blown away. It's an AMAZING song, you all should go watch the video of him performing it in Saint Agathe. I listened to it constantly while writing this, so... yeah.**

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><p>Kurt felt rough hands on his chest, and the cold hardness of the lockers. He heard the shouts of "Go rot in Hell!" and "Filthy faggot!" but beyond those sensations, he felt nothing. Which was strange. Usually he felt some form of pain from their words, from the shoves, but today there was nothing. It was scary, in a way. What if he lost the ability to feel forever? He'd never be able to love someone, never be able to be happy, because without hate there is no love, without pain there is no happiness.<p>

"Hey, Kurt, you okay? You seem a little out of it." Mercedes had caught up to him, and, even as his best friend, she was unable to see just how much he was hurting, just from being numb.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking, though, 'Cedes." It was one of the most difficult sentences to ever pass his lips, and yet he managed to force it through. He was most certainly NOT fine.

"You sure? Azimio pushed you pretty hard then." Kurt nodded and tried to catch his breath.

"I'm sure I'm fine. We should probably get to Glee." Mercedes still seemed suspicious, but she didn't press Kurt. She straightened out a couple wrinkles in his jacket, and he forced a small smile to his lips. It was strange, though, usually he was so happy around her, but today he just felt detached. Maybe it had finally gotten to him, made something snap. Or maybe he had just gotten used to it.

They took their usual seats next to each other in the choir room, and Kurt had to force himself to pay attention. Mr. Shue was going on about how they really needed to step up their game for Nationals, and wrote a single word on the board: Pain.

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><p>"Now, this week is about pain. The best songs come from hurt- you all learned that at Regionals, with the exception of Kurt, of course. I want each of you to try your hardest to find a song that really expresses your pain for this week." As Mr. Shue continued rambling, Kurt started coming up with ideas. He had heard a song from Adam Lambert's next album, and realized just how perfect it truly was. A smile graced his lips once more, and his foot started tapping absently as he waited for the class to end.<p>

"Okay, so Kurt is the last to perform. You ready?" Kurt made eye contact and nodded, before stepping to the front of the room. He was dressed in possibly his simplest outfit ever- a form-fitting black V-neck with a silver chain around his neck and fingerless leather gloves covering his hands. Black skinny jeans and simple black boots completed the look, and Kurt nodded to Sam, who was standing off to one side with his guitar. A simple, yet somewhat haunting melody began to play, and Kurt waited for the right chord to come around.

**Oh, nowhere left to go**

**Are we getting closer, closer?**

**No, all we know is no**

**Nights are getting colder, colder**

Everyone's eyes widened as they could hear the hurt in Kurt's voice, see it in his eyes. He meant every word of that song, and the haunting melody allowed all his pain to shine through.

**Hey, tears all fall the same**

**We all feel the rain**

**We can't change**

He tried to emphasize that verse a little more while still keeping the breathy, almost light, yet heartfelt tone in his voice. Anyone who heard could see just how much he meant those words, and anyone with a heart would have it broken by the pain lacing his voice.

**Everywhere we go**

**We're looking for the sun**

**Nowhere to grow old**

**And always on the run**

**They say we'll rot in hell**

**But I don't think we will**

**They've branded us enough**

**Outlaws of love**

Kurt wasn't even trying to showcase his high voice; the song was simply written that way. He was lucky he could hit the same notes Adam Lambert could, otherwise the song wouldn't have sounded as good.

**Scars make us who we are**

**Hearts and homes are broken, broken**

**Far, we could go so far**

**With our minds wide open, open**

_But our minds aren't open, _was what he silently added to the last line. Prejudice really was holding back the human race, and it was truly sad. Learning not to hate would push the country forward decades in technology.

**Hey, tears all fall the same**

**We all feel the rain**

**We can't change**

By far, Kurt's performance was the best. The song was incredible, and the pain of his everyday life just made it easier to sing with emotion.

**Everywhere we go**

**We're looking for the sun**

**Nowhere to grow old**

**And always on the run**

**They say we'll rot in hell**

**But I don't think we will**

**They've branded us enough**

**Outlaws of love**

_We really are outlaws,_ he thought as he allowed his voice to climb high enough to hit the same notes Adam had in the performance he had seen.

**Outlaws**

It wasn't easy to hit those notes, but somehow he managed to keep feeling the music, which helped him stay on pitch, even on the highest notes.

**Everywhere we go**

**We're looking for the sun**

**Nowhere to grow old**

**And always on the run**

**They say we'll rot in hell**

**But I don't think we will**

**They've branded us enough**

**Outlaws of love**

**Outlaws of love**

**Outlaws of love**

**Outlaws of love**

**Outlaws of love**

Sam played the last few notes, and Kurt let the applause wash over him. Again, he didn't feel it the way he usually did._ This is scaring me,_ he thought, _ I want to feel something._

"Excellent job, Kurt. Since I don't have anything planned," Kurt swore he heard Mr. Shue mumble something about expecting an over-the-top performance, "Class dismissed."

He waited for Mercedes, whose mouth still was slightly open from amazement. "Kurt! That was... that was amazing. Really, you were by far the best."

Kurt blushed a little and clung onto the trace of feeling Mercedes' words gave him. "Thanks, 'Cedes. I kind of have to go, I promised Blaine I'd meet him at the Lima Bean after Glee."

"Oh, okay. Text me when you get home?" Kurt smiled before turning to head to his car.

"Of course I will, Lady Gaga went out in public and I really want to see what she's managed to use for clothes this time."

"Don't let Blaine drop your IQ too much, boo. Love you!"

"Love you too, 'Cedes!" Kurt got into his car and began the short drive to the Lima Bean.

Blaine saw Kurt's car pull up, and he grinned, waving at Kurt from outside the semi-crowded building. Kurt got out and ran to Blaine, wrapping him in a tight hug. He breathed in the slightly musky smell, laced with coffee and traces of chocolate, that defined Blaine. This was the most feeling he had left, and he intended to hang on to it as long as he could.

"Two questions. One, what's with the outfit, and two, why so much more eager than usual?" Not that Blaine was complaining; the change in attitude was quite nice.

"I missed my boyfriend. Is that wrong? And my outfit was for Glee club, I had to perform today." Finally, Kurt convinced himself to detach himself from Blaine.

"Quite a few people think it's wrong that you HAVE a boyfriend, but that's not stopping us, is it? And what song did you sing?"

"Okay, we've got to stop doing the two-part questions and answers thing we just did. I sang a song Adam Lambert's going to have on his new album- there's a recording of him performing it live on YouTube. It's called Outlaws of Love- this week's lesson was pain."

"I'll have to look that up. And pain? I'm surprised, with your club's Regionals songs. They came from a lot of pain."

"Mr. Shue said he wanted to reinforce that the best songs come from pain, so Outlaws of Love is perfect for our... us."

"C'mon, let's get some coffee before I get a headache from caffeine withdrawal."

"Don't you have coffee in the morning?"

"Yes, but I need it in the afternoon too."

"Do we need to send you to Caffeine Addicts Anonymous?" Kurt laughed and pushed Blaine lightly.

Blaine glanced around. "Maybe you do." They approached the counter. "A medium drip, and a grande non-fat mocha for my friend here."

Kurt, pretending to be irritated, pulled Blaine back towards him. "I feel the need to remind you that I am more than a friend. I am your _boyfriend._" Blaine held up his hands in defeat and returned to the counter to pay. The cashier gave them an odd look but they brushed it off. Well, Blaine did, at least.

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><p><strong>AN: So... review please? And on another note...**

**I GOT INTO POTTERMORE! YAY ME! Now to wait for them to fix the password issue I'm having... *taps foot impatiently***

**YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RIDICULOUS 4:30 AM ANTICS! LOVE YOU ALL! -CatCompanion09**


	2. Scars Make Us Who We Are

**A/N: Okay, this is really short, but I promised my friend something heavy. I didn't expect THIS to happen... wow. Sometimes the dark side of my mind scares even me. So, uhm, yeah. I know I've been neglecting Façades, but I have a slight writers block. This is short, but really... intense.**

Kurt pulled into his driveway, humming Outlaws of Love softly to himself. The way people treated him, like he shouldn't even exist, seemed to hurt even more now, after he had sung the song and really seen the scale of it. So many people seemed to think he could never love Blaine the way he does. And that hurt more than anything. Why was it so wrong? What did he ever do to deserve this?

Tears fell from his eyes and he pushed past his dad, running to his room and closing the door. His mind was clouded from the hurt, and before he realized he had even moved, he had picked up a sharp pair of scissors and was stabbing the blade into his porcelain flesh. Pain seared through his arm, white hot, and tears were staining his shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to care at that point. All he could think about was how society rejected him, rejected Blaine, and all he could feel was the pain in his arm. He dropped the blade and just stared at the wound, watching the blood flow from it, tracing intricate designs on his wrist, his palm, his fingers. _What the hell have I done?_

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>He raced into his bathroom, wet a cloth and pressed it to the wound while he searched for the bandages. The cloth was slowly turning a deep red and he had no idea there was that much blood in his body. His heart was hammering, the sight of his blood was making him dizzy. Or maybe it was the lack of blood being pumped to his brain. <em>Why is the room spinning?<em> He thought faintly before his vision faded into black.

As he awoke, Kurt was met with a steady _beep__, beep, beep_ that seemed to be in time with his heart, and it was a minute before he recognized it and was able to associate it with a place. He was in a hospital, and the sound must be his heart monitor. _Why am I in the hospital?_ His clouded mind wondered, and then memories of earlier flooded back to him. He remembered feeling so hated and there was blood-_ so much blood-_ and then just... nothing. Kurt let his eyes flicker open, and the sterile white of the room was so blinding he shut them almost immediately.

"Kurt! Kurt, are you awake, can you hear me?" A low voice, desperate, rough, and so familiar, was somewhere off to his left, and only then he registered two large, worn hands around his much smaller one. But _who _did that voice belong to? His mind was still too clouded to place it.

Cautiously, not wanting to hurt his eyes, Kurt turned his head and opened them. "Dad..." Kurt's voice was rough from lack of use, but he really had more important things to worry about.

"I'm here, Kurt. What exactly happened?" Burt's eyes met Kurt's, and it was as if a dam holding back Kurt's words was broken.

"Dad, Dad, I'm so sorry. I don't really know what happened, but I just remember feeling like the world was against me and Blaine, and how only a couple people really, truly accept us, and then I had my scissors, and so much blood, so much..." Kurt remembered just how much had been spilled and his voice trailed away, eyes momentarily glazing over.

"I'm just so glad you're alive. But please, please, never do that again." Burt's voice cracked with emotion on the second please.

"It was like I lost control of my body, I was just so..." Kurt couldn't think of a word to describe how he felt when he stabbed his arm. All Burt could do was squeeze his hand; he couldn't even bring himself to speak.

The silence was broken when the nurse entered the room. "Kurt, you're awake. How do you feel?"

"My arm hurts, I'm still just a little dizzy, but other than that I feel okay." He surprised himself with how calm his voice was.

The nurse nodded. "Why did you..." she gestured at his bandaged arm.

"I... it felt like my mind lost control of my body. I didn't even know what I was doing until I had done it. I was... I guess all the hate in my life just caught up to me at once or something. I can't think of any other reason." Kurt once again recalled how he felt.

"We can get you some medication for the pain and it'd be best if you just waited out the dizziness. You seem to be doing well, considering how much blood you had lost."

"How long was I out?"

It was Burt who answered this time. "About an hour. They said you lost a pint of blood in fifteen minutes- you hit a vein dead-on. If you had stabbed a little to either side, you might not have passed out. I'm glad I went into your room to see if you were okay, I called 911 when I saw the blood on the carpet." The nurse nodded and left to retrieve the pain medication.

"I... if you hadn't checked on me..." Kurt couldn't believe just how close he had come to death. The door opened, and Carole ran over when she saw that Kurt's eyes were open.

"Oh, honey, we were so worried about you! I'm just glad you're alive." Carole touched a hand to Kurt's cheek. _Just the way Blaine sometimes does... BLAINE!_ Kurt's eyes widened.

"Blaine!" he cried out, "I have to call him, tell him what happened!" Kurt looked around frantically.

Burt pulled out his cell phone. "You know his number?"

"Yes, I've had it memorized since he gave it to me." Kurt was dialing frantically. He pressed the phone to his ear, his foot twitching impatiently as he waited for Blaine to answer.

"Hello?" Blaine's voice was unsure, a little surprised.

"Blaine! Can you come to the Lima hospital?" Kurt asked urgently, letting a trace of pain show in his voice.

"Kurt! Why? What happened? Are you okay? I'm on my way, be there in an hour."

"I'll fill you in when you get here, it's hard to explain over the phone, but I'm not going to die, I promise."

"Okay, see you in an hour. Love you, Kurt."

"I love you too, Blaine. Bye."  
>"Bye." Kurt heard Blaine hang up and handed the phone back to Burt.<p>

"I'm still confused," Carole piped up, and Kurt retold his story. She was in shock that he did that to himself, but didn't seem to judge him for it.

"And now we wait for Blaine?" Burt asked.

"And now we wait."

Blaine ran into the room exactly forty-five minutes later, out of breath, a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead. "What happened?"

"Blaine! I... I stabbed my wrist, right on the vein."

"It was an accident?" Blaine's usually bright eyes were dark, clouded with concern.

"No." That one word sent Blaine straight to Kurt's side, and he gripped Kurt's (surprisingly) free hand.

"Oh, Kurt, I just... why?"

And so Kurt told his story once more, how he seemed to have lost control. Blaine seemed to be in shock, but never once showed any sign of judging or thinking less of Kurt.

"I love you." It was all Blaine could think of to say, but it was exactly what Kurt needed to hear.

"I love you too, Blaine. Always." The pain medication was kicking in, and Kurt was starting to feel just a little drowsy. He could feel Blaine's hands around his right hand, Burt's around his left, and he could sense Carole sitting closer to his head, on his right side, and the comfort of having people there allowed him to drift into a restless sleep.

**A/N: I think that's a record for page breaks in one of my chapters. I PROMISE I'll have another chapter of Façades up by... how about Wednesday? I have summer reading to do this week (two books, yuck) but that's what SparkNotes is for, right?**

**YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO AMAZING! -CatCompanion09**


	3. Not a chapter, but

**Okay. Guys, I am INCREDIBLY sorry about this. I... I wish I could have it some other way, that I could continue my chapter fics and have little Klainebows in my life, but I've hit immense writer's blocks on ALL THREE of them. So much that they're WRITER'S WALLS. So I have made the decision to end Weekend At Blaine's, Façades, AND Outlaws of Love.**

**HOWEVER**

**I have started an AU chapter fic set in a dystopian society where anyone caught engaging in homosexual acts receives a tattoo and is considered by others as a second-class citizen of Lima. It is the story of how Kurt, Blaine and their friends survive in this society. It will be rated M because of content I intend to include in later chapters. Pairings will include Klaine (obviously), Faberry, Brittana, and Samcedes. I haven't decided on the rest, but these are what I either have already written or plan on writing in the first chapter.**

**I hope you guys don't get mad at me for this decision. I really wish I had a choice, but I'm too stuck.**

**I DO have a smutty oneshot in progress as well, so I'll get that done before posting it and the first chapter of my new fic together.**

**I love you all and hope you understand my decision. -CatCompanion09**


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